搬运一篇我的老文，提醒一下自己生活的真谛

Burning Man basically resets my default mode network, allowing me to finally let go of my ego which is an obsession over money, fame and achievements. I’m able to really be present to interact with humans, animals, plants, music and everything in the world.

Default world is complicated and, at times, overwhelming. I have a family. I have a job. I have a surrounding that I might not have control over. I believe our society has its own issue called capitalism, making me feel short of something, so I keep working and consuming to fill the void. These societal pressures can be compounded by family, who might unintentionally pass on their insecurities to me. When they check in on my job status, romantic relationships, or financial situation, my anxiety level spikes up. It’s that sense of insecurity that grabs everyone’s attention and prevents us from enjoying a full life.

Life is long, sometimes too long. Only if we can die on a perfect day and call it a perfect end, but unfortunately there is often a “tomorrow” and “tomorrow” might not be perfect. Tomorrow might rain and the road becomes muddy. I will need to walk in mud and scrape off the mud on my feet before going inside. I might also need to pee in a jar because I don’t want to walk to the porta potty.

Yet, with a serene mind, I believe we can navigate each day with ease, no matter what accidents or emergencies arise. Tranquility makes me humble so that I’m not stuck in a biased construction of the world, so that I can see things the way they are and find elegant solutions.

In the past two years, I’ve explored two ways to change my construct of reality: altering my physical surroundings and adjusting my mental state.

I first tried changing my surroundings. I traveled to Hawaii like every other software engineer in North America. Hawaii was nice. However I was shocked by the fact that I was still depressed while I was there. Yes, people can be unhappy even if they are in Hawaii, which is a fking heaven on earth in my little mind.

Then I went for the second path, taking a three-month leave of absence from work. I tried to clear out my backlog: do things that I always wanted to do. I wanted to be a PM. I wanted to be a solution architect. I wanted to be a freelancer doing crypto work. I wanted to draw. I wanted to dance. I wanted to experience true love.

What I found eventually was a shift in my mental state. When I returned to work, I was more patient, focused, and productive. I had a bit of a taste of what it feels like to live with a serene mind.

However, that didn’t last long. I probably pushed myself a bit too hard leading to burnout again this year. I was engrossed in the pursuit of bigger success, more power and higher status. I rejected social invitations from friends because screw you guys, I need to focus on more important things :) I insisted on the path that I chose for myself. To be successful, I need to suffer. Fuck the process of the journey, I want that goddamn award in the end.

I did get some awards. I moved to a new city, earned a promotion, and got my own place. Yet, I felt NOTHING. Literally nothing. I was disappointed in every aspect of life. I was unhappy 50% of the time of the month. I blamed PMS and I thought it’s aging that made me feel this way. I just don’t see new possibilities.

Gladly Burning Man happened. It short circuited my usual thought patterns and threw me into this off-the-grid desert for two weeks. Here are what I learnt about survival in the new world:

What do I need to survive and thrive in this world?

  • Shelter: I need a shelter, a place to sleep. I learnt how to set up my tent, peg it sturdily to the ground so the wind won’t blow it away.
  • Nutrition: I need veggies for micronutrients, sauces for fat and bread for carbohydrates. If I feel dizzy, it’s time to drink water and take in electrolytes. Nutrition and hydration keep me healthy and energetic.
  • Connection: I need families who care about me and who I care about. I learnt to love others by just sitting there and listening to what they have to say. Then I feel them, pat them, provide help if I can. That’s it. Then we become friends, families and we are connected. I no longer feel alone in this world anymore.
  • Mental Composure: Weathering unpredictable conditions taught me resilience and adaptability. Don’t panic. Observe and follow the rules of nature. Then I can navigate through the storm.
  • Mindfulness Practices: Activities like Tai Chi have helped me feel the Chi in the world and find inner peace.
  • Creativity: Once I’m truly present, I’m ready to enjoy the journey of life. Self-expression or any other creative endeavours are just by-products of experiences.
  • Death: Party ends. Life ends. Everything has an end. At this point in life, I don’t have much to say about this topic yet. For me, death is the end of one journey and the start of another one.

In the end, I don’t need that much money, success or achievements and I can still be happy and be loved. That’s all I need to live a full life.

(This article is more like a reminder for myself about how I want to and should live my life.)